lately.

pretty grateful. I didnt have a new years resolution this year. I thought about it for a while, not about coming up with one but about why I hadnt already. honestly I dont need one. everything has worked out so amazingly well for me. I think its good karma. I can honestly say I am a good person that has gone through too much, and not for nothing. Its all getting paid back and I can truly appreciate the worth of it all. I deserve it, I really really do. Looking back, I feel fortunate to have loss, hurt, been lied to and forgotten. Now I can remenisce, find truth, love and feel good again. Feel really really good again.

If I had not loved before, I would not recognize the truth
and had I not hurt before, I would not be able to acknowledge the pleasure
and if I had not been broken hearted, I would not figure the value of
our whole.

I love you 
and all
your wobbily 
bits.
<3

i

it starts with a sinking
it beats
runs
splits
to seconds
of doubts
anxiety
palpates between
blinks
that link
us.

ii

hope-
you're watching.

iii

the heart
trembles and shakes
fearing a break
to be broken
stolen,
become
numb.
for better
or worse; to feel

alive.

iv

Without touch, Ive felt you
its not much to say but enough 
to prove difference.

my love

has become

a tumult of echoes

shadows to ward off

spirits to follow

wrestle and ache

restless with wake

forgetfullness

and a sadness to shake

developed from

involvement with

the impersonating others

the faceless past lovers

that stalk with a passion,

to end all hopes

for

it.

my love pt. 2

and i quiver

sweat and wither

in her arms

i melt

lose

my

self

in sheets

heartbeats

cold-sweats

short breaths

embarassment

to be less than

she deserves.

and my wounds stretch

with every smile

i Fumble and fall

head over

boots

that suit

the like, like me.

like before.

with the exception

that this time

i can land

on my own two feet