‎"his life was a constant war with insensate objects that fell apart, or attacked him, or refused to function, or viciously got themselves lost as soon as they entered the realm of his existence.." 

I am Pnin.

I moved into school this week.

Met some cool peeps.

Did a few things I should've done last year.

wondered how much of Rhode island I could really hold onto.
how much of it would even try to hold onto me.
the funny thing is the issue is not distance, its time and effort.
the willingness to stick it out with me,
which I suspect does not have a powerful presence.
I need to work on some things.

I wish I could be Frank.
I could be such a mime at times.

I wish I could peel off the guilt of my skin and lay basking in ignorance
they could leave me alone repulsed in what little I resemble the rest
the grotesque movements of my lidless eyes against the burgundy of blood
marbles spinning on hardwood floors

I'd  ask of you
to place me away from
civilization
lay me in the forbidden woods
lay me among ants and worms
rats and birds
to fully experience the animosity that humans mask
let me experience it
 naturally
where I could get bitten for every lie I was told
and see how much is left of me

anything love.

One of a kind
I need to keep you here
I need to picture you still
I need to clear the fog

we're not happy til we're running away
Clouds in your eyes

And nothing but the foggiest day
Clouds in your eyes..

lately

        heads been a little tilted
bit lopsided
     empty
full
   young
ignorant


sensitive.

lately

my hearts been a lil tired

of words.

hope

love

laughter

that lingers

and fades.

comes unwanted

leaves..

again.



lately
I think twice.

cuz you remind me
of an old recipe
I used to make
to half-feed myself
false satisfaction.

 and I wouldn't want to
return to old habits


now would I?

packing :[

soundtrack to my life part 1